is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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