I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
