how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
