i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
