I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
