There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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