mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
