She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
