I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
