i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
this hospital has no fireball
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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