i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
