operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize