my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
