remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize