I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
