Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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