Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
