meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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