two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
