I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We got so high we made milksteak
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
