That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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