best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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