who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
