i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
