I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
