remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
