Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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