just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
