1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
