it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
