just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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