I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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