I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize