I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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