he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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