Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
