I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
