yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
