remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
