Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
