careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
