Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize