girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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