im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
