Redeem this text for a blowjob
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
