3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
