God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
