After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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