His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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