At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
