You smell like a Billy Joel song
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
