You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
