4 words: hood of his car
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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