Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
