farters have to be the big spoon...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
