There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
