We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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