why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
