ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
