There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
