Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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