the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize