Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
