Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
