my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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