im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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