So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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