Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
