Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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