Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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